posted 25th June 2025
If someone you love struggles with appearance anxiety or BDD, when your nervous system is in a state of high alert, theirs likely is too. And when anxiety spills over into frustration or raised voices, it creates a loop, perhaps where both of you retreat. Our teens need to know that we are there for them.
The good news is, when us parents or partners regulate our own body, mind and the things we say and do, we start to create a safer emotional space for them, and with teens who naturally go through a time of withdrawal, when we regulate for ourselves, they are able to eventually come back into connection.
Here are some practical things you can do about your own anxiety, these are gentle tools, some of which can be done for just 2 minutes a day (or ideally several times a day). Many of these are practical things you can do with your loved one or as a family.
Kind Inner Voice
Chronic anxiety often comes with inner criticism or catastrophising.
Start to notice the way you talk to yourself, are you kind to you? If not, (and I have yet to find someone who doesn’t have some self-critical thoughts), practice developing a kind inner voice. This will take time, but it will make a difference to you and to others around you. Why it helps: Shifts you from anxiety to self-compassion — which is regulating in itself.
“60-Second Check-In” (Mindfulness Practice)
Set a timer for 60 seconds. Sit, breathe, and simply notice what you feel without trying to change anything. You may want to say to yourself: “I’m allowed to be just as I am for one minute.” Why it helps: It gives permission and space rather than piling on pressure to do something.
Orienting to Safety (Somatic Tracking)
This is helpful in panic or emotional flooding. Sit or stand and look around the room slowly. Name 3 things you see, 3 things you hear, 3 things you feel (touch, pressure, warmth). Say to yourself: “Right now, I’m safe.” Why it helps: This brings you out of fight-or-flight and back into the present moment.
Butterfly Hug (Self-Havening)
Cross your arms over your chest and gently tap your shoulders: left, right, left, right. Breathe slowly while tapping. Why it helps: This bilateral stimulation calms the amygdala and soothes emotional overwhelm.
Reduce Anxiety Provoking Media, People and Situations
You would be surprised how many people suffer from anxiety who enjoy watching stuff on the TV or films that are violent or scary. Some of my anxious clients watch real crime murder series before bed! Not a great idea. Another example of a habitual anxious energy is road rage. We forget that when we act with hostility in situations like driving, not only does it not make the slightest difference to the other driver, it also churns us up. Our volatility can directly impact the wellbeing and stability of our child. Practice releasing habitual ways of responding to difficult people and situations. Why it helps: The subconscious brain can’t tell the difference between reality and stuff that’s on the screen or the things that are said thoughtlessly. So they go to bed with their mind thinking there’s been a horrible crime! A lot of teenagers I see are petrified of being alone in their bedroom at night. If you want to reduce your own anxiety, check what you are watching and reading and make it safe for you rather than fear inducing.
Vagus Nerve Stimulation Through Sound
Hum, chant, or gently sing, especially long, low tones like “mmm,” “om,” or “ahhh.” You can also try gargling water for 30 seconds. It makes us feel good to hum, it’s a kind of happy place! Why it helps: This stimulates the vagus nerve, helping shift from anxiety to calm.
Wall Press or Grounding Through Resistance
This is great when anxiety is physical or intense.
Stand facing a wall and push your hands into the wall as if you’re trying to move it. Press and breathe for 10–15 seconds, then release. Why it helps: Physical pressure gives the body a sense of containment and control.
Grounding With the Feet
While sitting or standing, press your feet gently but firmly into the floor. Better still, get outside and ground on some grass or soil. Imagine roots growing from your feet into the earth. Why it helps: It activates sensory awareness and helps interrupt spiralling thoughts.
And these too will help, Get out into nature, do something creative, socialise, find things to do that you enjoy, learn to be calmly assertive, practice gratitude.
Take any one of these and give them a go for a month, note how your own state changes over time, these are good for you and your body, and it will help your teenager as your anxiety decreases.
Soon we’ll have some short online workshops focusing on all matters relating to BDD. These will be available in our shop page.
If you would like to know more about how you can help and support your teen or loved one who suffers from BDD at any stage, drop us an email to support@bddclinic.org and we’ll add you to our mailing list where we’ll send you invitations to events and the occasional newsletter. We get it because we have lived it.